The Braying Sheep Are At It Again

One thing that never ceases to amaze me is the complete codswallop that our elected representatives spout every time they open their mouths. It matters not one jot whether it is about the NHS, Tax, Immigration or Sport. Whatever they say is, as a rule, stunningly stupid. Now I am the first to admit that the previous sentences in this paragraph are sweeping generalisations - something that I am good at - and there are occasional exceptions to the rule. But on the whole, I'm right. And as this is my blog, I'm always right and shall be forever more. Even on the numerous occasions I am wrong.

Today's example of the rubbish that we have to contend with comes from Lord Triesman who yesterday was promoting The Foreign Office's efforts to make supporters lives easier at the upcoming Corporate Splurge that passes for a World Cup. Amongst the brainwaves that the faceless bureaucrats have come up with is that in order to promote friendship between the erstwhile hosts and their English Counterparts, England fans should "sing their hearts out for the lads" in German. I kid you not. The British Government is paying salaries for a numpty to come up with something as stupid as that. Unless of course, they have gone to the nearest lobotomy patient and asked them to do it. This is exactly the kind of moronic, thoughtless behaviour that we have to put up with. It beggars belief. Honestly, it does. I see no reason for them to waste taxpayers funds on this sort of useless project. It contributes nothing. A Dialysis machine could have been purchased for the cost of this PR blitz. Moreover, it is a prime example of how the current Government is intent on sticking it's head into the barrel, missing the major portion of the contents and picking up on the dregs at the bottom.

They have a website for this crass stupidity, that in the interests of research I have visited. There is the section for songs, that currently includes the sum total of one entry. Yep, one entry. And a famous England anthem it is; "You'll Never Walk Alone". I've heard that hundreds of times at England matches, nay, thousands of times at recent internationals. Complete tosh. They cannot even pick a song that anyone other than Liverpool sing. Not only that, they threaten to enlarge the section. Well, thanks Guys but don't bother. If you cannot even get it right first time out, stop now before you make complete arses of yourselves. In any case, there are a number of England fans who can already sing in German, albeit the two worded song, "Seig Heil" which will be coming to a German city near you in the Summer Tour.

Just to let us know that real football people have had an input on the site, they have included translations of some hilarious football quotes, where you can sit discussing the political and cultural environment that included such mirthmakers as Joan Gasparts 1997 quip, "The most educated person at Real Madrid is the woman who cleans the toilets." There won't be a dry eye in the Bierkeller when you roll the German translation of that one out. C'mere there's more. Such as the humourous news story about the German cheesemakers in Magdeburg who have made a Gouda with a black and white rind that has, to quote the website, "captured the imagination of football fans". You slay me, Greavsie.

There is even a helpful glossary section, covering translations of "off-side position", "nutmeg" and "dangerous play in front of goal". All of which can be heard on the commentaries but never in a ground. But the real crackers are "linesman" - aren't they Assistant Referees? - "The Ball Is Round", which according to the contextual notes is a"Quote by the former German national coach Sepp Herberger, meaning that this is the only certainty in the game of football and anything else can happen"...but the piece de resistance is the translation of "fisted / punched clearance" which I am not going to go into because some legal action has already started on part of that phrase.

You may accuse me of being a killjoy and not taking the site in good humour. Well, perhaps that is because there is no good humour on there, at least not in my eyes anyway. It is a typical attempt at being hip and cool by the Labour Government - style over substance. Except in this case, there is not an ounce of style. Which is about 100% more than any substance contained in the remainder of the entries over there.

Todays Tunes are from Ian Brown's 2005 Glastonbury appearance:

F.E.A.R.

I Wanna Be Adored

Secret Squirrel

Arsenal 1 - 0 Villarreal

1 - 0 Toure (41)

Before the game I saw Arsene Wengers checklist for the night:

1. Win The Game
2. Keep Clean Sheet
3. No Bookings

So tick, tick and double tick against all of them. I would suggest that he would have been disappointed to only score one goal given the level of possession that his charges enjoyed but he will have been pleased with the overall performance against a well organised defensive unit. It would be churlish to complain about the perfectly good goal Henry had chalked off for offside when there was an absolutely cast-iron, blatant Villarreal penalty not given when Gilberto went through the back of Jose Mari. Indeed, I think those were the only poor decisions the referee gave all night and is something for UEFA to ponder on when they (a) decide the officials for the Return Leg next Tuesday and (b) when they dish out the reward of officiating at the Final in Paris. The official certainly had no truck with the excessive theatrics of Jose Mari which probably counted against him in the penalty decision.

Overall, there is little complaint about the performance. Understandbly nervous to begin with - how that early goal may have settled them - the defence, with Toure in particular seeming to suffer from first night nerves, settled into their routine and were rarely troubled by the Spaniards from open play. Indeed, this aspect probably pleased Wenger the most over the ninety minutes, with Villarreal being reduced to direct freekicks from Riquelme and one chance to Arruabarenna from a corner. In a further indication of what a topsy turvy Champions League Campaign this is, Arsenal threatened more danger in the first thirty minutes from corners - Senderos, Gilberto and Toure all missing presentable chances - than they have in the last two domestic seasons.

The absence of Reyes was marked last night, perhaps more noticeable than anyone would have expected. When the midfield had the ball in the centre, there was no escape route other than Henry. On several occasions, Hleb had the ball towards the right hand side of the pitch and Eboue storming outside him but he chose to go towards the left hand side rather than use the overlap. This occurred repeatedly in the first half to the extent that I found myself wondering if the Ivorian and his Belorussian counterparts had exchanged a few choice words before the match and Alexsandr was not passing to him. Ljungberg on the left meanwhile was not as effective as he used to be although when it came to getting runs into the area, he proved that he still has the knack of being in the right place at the right time, even if the ball is in the wrong place. A couple of times in each half, passes from Fabregas to Henry and Ljungberg were cut out just as it seemed there was going to be a clear chance to score.

The goal itself was probably the only time in the first half that the Villarreal defence went to sleep, even then it was a midfielder who did not do his job. A corner from Henry was dealt with but when the ball was slipped onto the left edge of the area, Hleb found himself unmarked as Senna had switched off, his cross turned in by Toure. Apparently that was his first ever goal at THOF.

It seems odd to be writing that after last night, there will not be another match played in an evening at the ground. It is fitting that after all the disappointments suffered in Europe's top club tournament that the last chance the team had to put that record right was the one that they took. It goes a long way to wiping out the failures against Ajax, Benfica, Valencia, Deportivo and Chelsea, setting the second leg up nicely. I am not convinced that the match will be that much different, Villarreal from what I have seen this season do not press on and on at opponents until necessity takes over. Should Arsenal score first and leave the Valencians needing three goals, it would be a Herculean effort for them to achieve. Were the hosts to open the scoring, then game on and a true test of progress. And look at that, I got all the way through without mentioning the Pitch Invading Squirrel. D'oh!

Still, just the small matter of the Tiny Tots on Saturday to contend with first.

Today's Tunes are from 1997's T In The Park, performed by Monaco:

What Do You Want From Me

Pretending To See What The Future Will Hold

As promised in today's earlier post here is the outcome of Yogi's peering into Mystic Meg's Crystal Ball. Given it was slightly cloudy it only covered the Premiership but provides conclusive evidence that there is no point in worrying about the race for fourth place as Arsenal will finish there (or thereabouts if this proves to be the complete tosh it's shaping up to be).

Saturday's win at Everton by the Tiny Tots threw my initial thoughts into complete chaos as I had that one down as a home win, at best (or worst depending on your viewpoint) a point for the mob up at The Lane.

So currently, they sit four points clear of Arsenal, having played one game more. The fixtures for the remaining games and their possible outcomes are below:

22nd April 2006

Arsenal 2 - 0 Tottenham

The result of this game could be affected by the midweek exertions against Villarreal although it would seem to be the game in which Campbell and Cole will return to first XI action. The big impact though could be the absence of Ledley King in defence. Davenport and Dawson do not convince me that they would be able to prevent Henry scoring whilst the Arsenal defence is improving as a unit. It may be that Mido will play to exploit any weakness that there is in the air but I think that our forward line would be too strong. Which would leave the Tottenham in fourth with 61 points, just one point ahead of Arsenal on 60 but having played a game more.

30th April / 1st May 2006

Tottenham 2 - 1 Bolton Wanderers
Sunderland 0 - 1 Arsenal

In much the same way that Sunderland have freefallen out of the division, Bolton had slid out of Champions League positions contention and it must be said, look unlikely to be included in the UEFA Cup next season if their form does not improve. A point yesterday against West Brom may have stopped the slide but can they raise their game to get anything from Tottenham. The answer, yes they could, but it looks unlikely. This weekend coming, they entertain Charlton which should help them to regain some confidence but form on their travels does not inspire confidence. Since gaining a point at THOF on Febuary 11th, they have played seven games in all competitions and lost six of them. If you look at the Premiership, you have to go back to December 17th to find the last away game they won, 4 - 0 at Everton. Since then, eleven away matches have come and gone with a massive five points won. Indeed during that time, the only away victory was at Watford in the third round of the FA Cup. Unless they make a spectacular improvement, there is little chance of them gaining anything. Sunderland are well, just awful, the high point of their season is the recent 0 - 0 draw with Manchester United. So no change just yet, Tottenham on 64 points with one game to play, Arsenal on 63 with two left.

4th May 2006

Manchester City 1 - 2 Arsenal

A tricky match on the face of it, a place where we normally do well and one where I think we will sneak a win with City having little but pride to play for. They too have been in wretched form recently, a rut from which they show no signs of escaping. Finally, Arsenal hit fourth, total of 66 points with one game to go, two clear of Tottenham in fifth on 64. Which set up the last matches meaning Arsenal only need to avoid defeat to qualify for the Champions League.

11th May 2006

Arsenal 2 - 1 Wigan
West Ham 2 - 1 Tottenham

The final game of the season, Bergkamp scores the winner with a shot in the last minute from just outside the area to secure the Champions League qualification and a nice symmetry to his Highbury career having scored the goal that secured UEFA Cup football in his first seaso. Tottenhams' defeat at Chavsville renders the Arsenal result meaningless.

Tomorrow night sees the biggest game in Arsenal's season so far (Tick - never used that phrase before). Having lost the services of Sol Campbell, the usual suspects will line up in defence, the midfield bolstered by the return of Fabregas. Reyes is suspended so I would expect the line up to be:

Lehmann; Eboue, Toure, Senderos, Flamini; Ljungberg, Gilberto, Fabregas, Hleb; Pires; Henry

No place for Van Persie as I expect Wenger to keep the faith with the formation and personnel that disposed of Juve in the first leg of the last round. Despite their league position, Villarreal are more of a team than Real or Juve, probably the best that Arsenal have faced so far. Much has been made of the threat that Riquelme poses but more problematic will be the fact that they defend more as a unit. However, it appears that they are without a recognised Centre Half tomorrow which could prove problematic although Arruaburrena is solid at organising the defence from the full back position. The reserve goalkeeper, Sebastian Viera, is one that Wenger has shown a close interest in previously, the same as Senna the defensive midfielder. Both may consider the match as somewhere appropriate to show just why they were under scrutiny. The Valencians have shown that they are difficult to beat with a rejuvenated Forlan and Jose Mari up front capable of nicking an away goal.

If Arsenal can take a two goal lead forward to the second leg then that will be a great platform to build on but as before, it is important that a clean sheet is kept. And take nothing for granted; any team that gets this far deserves considerable respect.

Todays Tunes goes back to its' roots and gets all soulful. Thanks to the guys at ModRadioUK for these:

Checkerboard Squares - Double Cookin'

The Flamingoes - Boogaloo Party

Son Of Moses - Soul Symphony

Free, Free fallin'

Wycombe Wanderers 0 - 3 Lincoln City

0 - 1 Forrester (61)
0 - 2 Green (73)
0 - 3 Forrester (81)

Now there may no doubt be some of you out there who are thinking "Why the hell are you writing about this game?". Well, dear reader, this game was a momentous day in my life. Not the game itself, fundamentally it was poor (although those of the Lincoln persuasion may beg to differ), but it was Power Ranger's first ever football match. And again, you would quick to ask "Why this game?". The answer sits quite comfortably with me; short arms, deep pockets and two free tickets.

We did have to do some quick thought re-alignment with the boy as he was asking if he could support Arsenal whilst we were there. In fairness he picked up pretty quickly that he would always support Arsenal but just occassionally there would be matches where he would support another team for the ninety minutes we were there. So off we took ourselves to The Causeway Stadium to watch a tussle between two play-off chasing sides, thinking it may be an even game with a few goals. In fact all I cared about is that it was not a pants goalless draw that put him off watching for life. As it was, a goalless draw is what Wycombe would have been grateful for. Although I don't know why I was worried as he missed the opening goal through being the toilet - being the ever caring Dad, I was stood watching the match about fifteen yards from the lavatory entrance. And before you think, you uncaring B******, (a) I'd checked out the loos beforehand and (b) those that know Wycombe can vouch that you can see all departures and arrivals in that area of the Family Stand. Anyway, I digress before Social Services come calling. The second goal he saw but wished he hadn't and the third he missed because he was looking at the Lincoln fans and asking, "Why aren't we with them. They are having a good time not like everyone here, they are so miserable". And there isn't an answer to that. Well, yes there is. Re-read the opening paragraph, last sentence.

It is difficult to find anything positive to say about Wycombe's performance. They have been in freefall for the last month and do not look as if they can stop the rot. A lot of effort was made but to little end product. In the end, I am struggling to remember a clear cut opening they created and Lincoln fully deserved their win. I have thought of a positive for Wycombe. They are not facing relegation. There, something good that they can take from the match.

And so, how did Power Ranger react to the match. We had a small checklist before the game; areas of concern about the match you could say. First off, how would he react to the crowd in an enclosed stadium - check this one off, attendance of 5,750 no problem. As I observed to Mrs Yogi, the attendance at Arsenal's Members Day that he came to was around 7,000 and he handled that no problem. Second on the list, could he sit still for ninety minutes? Well, those that know him will be aware that he has, as my nan used to say, "Ants in his pants" and is an "energetic" child. Tick the box here, no problem. Stand had good leg room so no complaints about that but one fear that I had was that if the match was bad, he would want to leave after twenty minutes. Well, the match was bad but he didn't ask to leave until others started streaming out with about fifteen minutes to go. We had one rocky point where he asked what the pyramids were on the surrounding hillside - power pylons - and why were there horses being ridden on the fields and hills above - their owners had more sense than to watch the football.

So after his mum picked us up, the dreaded questions.

"So son, did you like going to football with your dad?"

"Yep, it was great. Uncle Robert gave me a pound before the game and Dad let me buy an Ice Cream with it."

"But what about watching the football match?"

"Well, Dad it was boring."

"No it was not. It was awful. Truly bad. The worst game I have seen in many a year."

"Yeah. They were rubbish."

"So you want to come to football again?"

"Yeah. But next time Dad, make it Arsenal"

Today's tunes is not happening with this post. Why? Umm, I'm at work and forgotten to bring the MP3's in. Which for some is a relief but others need to come back later when I'll post them up with the latest hopeful thinking about how Arsenal are going to win the race for fourth spot and a preview of the Champions League Semi - Final against Villarreal in which I hasten to add, Arsenal are not the clear cut favourites that the English press would have us all believe.