The Charge Of The Light Brigade

Arsenal 3 - 0 Charlton Athletic

1 - 0 Pires (12)
2 - 0 Adebayour (31)
3 - 0 Hleb (48)

Saturday's have rarely been the same since Sky put their filthy lucre up for grabs and waved rather expensively in the direction of Premiership clubs. Sometimes I do become nostalgic for the order that dominated my first 20 years of football watching when you could say with a racing certainty that Saturday was football day. Not shopping. Not looking after the kids whilst Mrs Yogi goes out shopping but football. Now admittedly some of the change in circumstance is my own, or partially my own, making - it takes two to tango and one drunken fumble to increase the family size - but the continually altering kick-off times play havoc with planning at times. To the extent that our social calendar is sorted on a vague plan when the fixtures for the season are announced. "So can we go and visit [insert Auntie, Uncle, Parents or other family here] on this Saturday?", "Maybe - we're at home to the Scousers but it could be on Sky so you've got to perm any one from half a dozen kick-offs.", "But it's their birthday", "Sorry, can't commit now, ask me the week before."

So todays game at THOF brought a welcome return to the old routine of being engrossed in football on a Saturday. Prior to the game, the Tiny Tots manager Martin Jol made public his feelings that Tottenham need only win five more of their remaining nine games to claim fourth place, presumably their visit to THOF was one of those. I would guess he has not seen Arsenal's run in as that number needs to be at least eight to be sure of denying Champions League qualification via the Premiership to their North London rivals.

There are certain fixtures that when the list is published, you just assume are three points in the bag, this being one of them. And so it proved with Charlton never really coming to the races. Pires finished a slick passing move with a shot into the right corner having been set up by Henry, Adebayour made it two after capitalising on Hreidarsson's mistake with Hleb sealing the win early in the second half. With Bolton getting their expected three points against Sunderland, this win was vital. Fourth to Seventh are separated by two points, with Wigan, Everton and West Ham too far back now to fight for the right to European Football via the Premiership. Next weekends fixtures will be very interesting indeed; All except for Bolton are top v bottom, Arsenal travel to Pompey, Blackburn go to Sunderland whilst the Tiny Tots entertain WBA. Bolton for their sins go to the Riverside on Sunday - all knowing defeat wil deal a savage blow in the race for fourth.

Todays Tunes bring forth more from my paltry Peel Sessions collection, this time from Stiff Little Fingers who for a while in the late 70's were one of my favourite bands. Responsible for some of the best three minutes of the original indie music movement, Alternative Ulster and Suspect Device spring immediately to mind. These two tracks however span the period of the initial offerings, Johnny Was, being a Bob Marley cover on their debut album Imflammable Material, whilst Straw Dogs was their debut single on Chrysalis.

Jake Burns, who was once described as having a voice like a rusty gutter, has his new solo album out now, go here to find out more and give the poor sod some more drinking money by purchasing the elpee. Go.

One final note, something I have been meaning to do is advertise this blog, The Perfumed Garden, which has a superb and regularly updated batch of Peel Sessions in mp3 format.

Lullaby For Sven

The England team hotel is set in the heart of the German countryside near Baden - Baden for the FIFA 2006 Commercially Oversold World Cup. Looking similar to the Schloss used for the film, The Sound Of Music, it has a chequered past with virtually every somebody and nobody have stayed or had a function there, the ill - fated marriages of Boris Becker and Oliver Kahn (not to each other although that is probably more interesting than the ones I talk of) which both ended in divorce were hosted at the very hotel. I am sure that a lot of time and effort went into making it the ideal base for England to use.

Well, almost enough time and effort went into the process. It transpires that the newly ordered beds that the hotel are purchasing for the very same England team are in fact two metres in length which is a bit of a bugger for Peter Crouch whose height is in excess of this. So how do the hotel feel that he can surmount this problem? Why by sleeping diagonally as the beds are also two metres wide. Quite why the FA approved these measurements when contacted by the hotel prior to their ordering is beyond me but having experienced Mrs Yogi's attempts at measuring curtains I can see that it is an easy mistake to make: "Ooh how longs two metres?", "About as tall as your book cabinets", "Oh that will be fine", "What about Peter Crouch?", "Hahahaha, no worries there. Sven won't pick him - he can't hit a cows arse with a banjo". A cruel, and untimely, cartoon in The Times comments that even Crouch could score in the bed. Well, no he couldn't actually. Well, he could but he'd have to kick her out afterwards something which a fine mannered young Peter would never dream of doing. But enough of Nancy....

Just when you thought these were the ramblings of a madman, someone on high actually sort-of, kind-of, vaguely agrees with me but gives a different reaction. Not before time, FIFA have announced that there are to be severe punishments for this ranging from points deductions to relegation in persistent cases. This is to apply across all matches. Apparently any National FA that does not apply these rules will be barred from International Competition until such times as they do. All well and good but this only becomes effective once the National FA's receive their letters from FIFA telling them to implement this ruling. So that's the RFEF's excuse sorted as anyone who knows the Spanish Postal System will tell you...

On the subject of incompetent bureaucrats, one other little soundbite has come from UEFA. Apparently, they cannot police clubs within their jurisdiction, so says William Gaillard. Perhaps he will be good enough to clarify exactly what UEFA do then.

Todays Tunes are back on track with the homage to the Peel Sessions, after yesterdays slight deviation. These two tunes are from The Wedding Present, the first a cover of Orange Juice's Felicity, which I vaguely recall being released as a single and the second, a cover of Altered Images Happy Birthday. Aah, the delightful Ms Grogan.

Blame Shifters

It is not very often that I find myself agreeing with a footballers comment about any subject in particular but yesterday’s reportage on the spat that has emerged between Rio Ferdinand and UEFA puts the player in the right and the Governing Body right in the cart.

Ferdinand was speaking in support of a European Parliament motion supporting the introduction of stiffer penalties to be handed out to clubs who fail to control racist elements of their support. The players’ comments were on the subject of the €9k fine handed out to Real Zaragoza after the verbal abuse handed out to Samuel Eto’o during the La Liga match at El Estadio de la Romareda and to the Spanish FA for failing to control their supporters at El Estadio de Santiago Bernabeu during their 2004 friendly with England. The problem with these highlighted incidents is that they both fell outside of UEFA’s auspices, occurring in matches organised by the Spanish FA (RFEF) and FIFA respectively. Which the suits wasted no time in pointing out. William Galliard could be heard panting for breath as he recounted his mantra, “It’s not our fault, it’s the FIFA boys to blame. It’s not our fault, everyone but us is to blame”. In the first instance, he made clear that the Scions of Nyon believe the RFEF should police their own clubs behaviour. This presumably not the same organisation who regularly put their two penneth in when disciplinary problems occur that will galvanise them acres of press coverage, a deft touch they have learnt from Darth Blatter.

What needed to happen was for Lars – Christer Olsson to speak out when the RFEF fined Zaragoza a paltry sum. He should have taken a leaf from his FIFA counterpart and shot from the hip, speaking before thinking properly. He should have instructed the RFEF to review the case or pass the buck onto UEFA to review disciplinary actions. When the RFEF failed to act decisively, he should have arranged for Zaragoza to be banned from European competition for one season, to be effective when they next qualify which could be this weekend if they win the Copa del Rey. He should not have done what he did. Which was precisely nothing. With more than a passing nod in the direction of irony, the recent anti-racism conference was held in Barcelona, shortly before the incident with Eto’o.

What needs to happen is for UEFA to bring in a standard form of punishment for racist chanting within grounds that is applied throughout their member Football Associations. For a first offence, if the supporters of the either home or away team are found guilty then their next respective home match is played behind closed doors. The club should also be fined the equivalent of €100k. For a second offence, the club should be fined €200k, with the stadium closed for the next month with the offending team forced to play all matches away from home during this spell. They will not be allowed to re-arrange fixtures during this time. For example, if Stamford Bridge were closed for this offence, Chelsea would be forced to play the next five matches away. During this time, they were supposed to play Arsenal and Manchester United at home. Both games will now take place at their opponents grounds. They have already played Arsenal at Highbury earlier in the season so this means that they cannot play them again that season so both games have taken place at THOF. Meanwhile, they have yet to play Man Utd so hit on the idea of reversing the fixtures. Sorry Guys, not allowed. You also play them twice away from home.

A third offence means a €500k fine and forfeiting the points for their next five home games and their opponents automatically award a 5 – 0 win, the scoreline ensuring that serious damage is done to their Goal Difference. For a fourth offence, the fine should automatically rise to €1m and a season long closure of the stadium; each match would be away from home, playing their opponents twice at their respective grounds. The offending club would not be entitled to any additional compensation for this period of closure nor would they be allowed to participate in UEFA sponsored competitions. A fifth offence means that's it, club suspended from League and Competitions for one season, resuming their football careers in the lowest level where professional football is played. In the case of England, this would be in the Nationwide Conference.

Perhaps then, the message would get through about how serious football is taking racism.

Todays Tunes mark a momentous occasion as they are the 100 and 101 that I have posted. So we'll go for some old fave raves from the Peel show. Firstly, his favourite band, The Fall, with two cover versions, Lost in Music by The Pointer Sisters taken from the album, The Twenty Seven Points with the second, White Lightning by Big Bopper from the album, Shift-Work. Enjoy.

Lost In Music

White Lightning

Call A Plumber - Dodgy Tap Warning

It looks like being a summer of goings and a couple of comings at THOF pre and post World Cup. Rumour control has Sol Campbell leaving for pastures new to get "his head sorted" whilst Chelsea have announced that they will use official channels to try and sign Ashley Cole without resorting to tapping him up again. Whilst this is admirable and will save them having three points deducted, I am not too sure that the authorities will agree that using un-named sources in The Sun consitutes using official channels to approach the club. Perhaps the FA's Disciplinary Committee may want to review this story should any transfer go ahead.

Barcelona have apparently agreed a weekly wage of £140k per week with Thierry Henry which has made Arsenal very cross indeed. So angry are they that Wenger is intent on signing Fran Merida, a 16 year old on Barcelona's books after the Catalans forgot to give the lad a contract. Well, that's a fair exchange then. No doubt the lad has looked at Theo Walcott who today gets a tidy little pay rise from £90 to £4k per week as he has turned 17.

An old favourite is continuing to rear its head with the future of Mr Ed van Nistelrooy, earlier this week he would chewing the cud in the San Siro, Bernabeu or Dell'Alpi but today he's off to become a pit pony by signing for Newcastle. Fabio Capello has let the FA know he's interested in the England job but this comes in a week when Martin O'Neill starting as favourite to be the new manager only to be relegated by Monday to a benchwarmer in the job queue only to be favourite again by Tuesday morning.

At which point you have to question where the stories come from. Personally, if it's in The Mirror, The Star, The Sport, The People and either of The Express / Sunday Express then it's unmitigated bollocks that they must have made up as they are so wide of the mark generally speaking that they make Peter Crouch look like a master goal - getter by comparison. Which leaves The Mail and The Sun. The former is positioning itself as "the thinking mans tabloid" trying desperately to rival The Times but knowing that it's natural constitutency are readers of The Sun, which itself has no pretentions other than to be the most widely read newspaper in the country. Which it is. And as far as football gossip goes, it probably hits the target more often than any other rag. Whether it is because of better sources or they choose their targets more carefully is open to debate. What this country desparately needs is a football daily or a sports daily at the very least. There was an attempt in the 1980's to launch one but that foundered in a wave of apathy but the commercialism that is so rampant in The Premiership today was not even a twinkle in the eye in those days.

Still my favourite that I have read in the last few days is Ryan Giggs is going to Real Madrid in the summer. Presumably they think he is marginally less of an ageing pie eater than Ronaldo who is going to Old Trafford in return.

Todays Tunes are the start of a week of Peel Sessions. The first is a couple of tracks from The Smiths from1983 and 1984. This Charming Man, recorded in September 1983, was their second single but the first to garner major media attention culminating in an appearance on Top Of The Pops with Morrissey sporting a bunch of daffodils in his jeans pocket and a National Health Issue Hearing Aid. Comments from my parents at the time, I being a mere whippersnapper, were along the lines of "Dear God, what is this crap" which enabled this smart mouthed teenager to quip "Gee Dad, you are getting old". Which he was.

This Charming Man

Rusholme Ruffians

And It's All Done In The Best Possible Taste

Arsenal are looking for more ways to eke every commercial penny out of the closure of Highbury than cats can be skinned. This started with the conversion of the stadium into housing units - I was going to say affordable but that is a subjective term; they are affordable if you are a City wideboy but otherwise not. However, the club are now allowing fans to buy their seats from the Stadium, the exact seat for Season Ticket Holders and any remaining for non-season ticket holders, all for the princely sum of £19.99. The final product is as below, and for those interested I have included the link to the club website also:

Take home your Highbury Seat

Now I am all for the club selling off the interior of the Stadium, after all it would just be dumped anyway so a couple of grand here and there contributes to the coffers. However, trying to make a plastic seat look like a Queen Anne antique is, ahem, a questionable exercise in taste. The best that these lumps of plastic should be hoping for is to be recycled as Garden Furniture. The red above could be politely called garish but how, pray tell, will they deal with the white and blue seats that form part of the Nike Swoosh or AFC designs? I can imagine that the proud Season Ticket holders will try to preserve these for posterity - after all, they will last about a week if used on a daily basis and they are not comfortable for prolonged periods of arse parking. When the proud owner passes onto the next world (or whatever your God lets you believe in), they are bound to be a source of contention in the settling of any Estate. At the reading of the Will, I am sure that the words "To my son, Eric, I leave my prized Arsenal seat" should surely rank alongside the phrase, "I leave £1,000,000"...And yes Chums, you are right. I am truly jealous that I cannot possess one of these. I know I could probably buy one quite easily but the fear of Percy or Power Ranger decapititating their sibling is just too great. And if you think that I overstate the case, just bear in mind that their mother brings a Spanish flavour to the genetic table, I merely add in Irish and Geordie to the mix so we can start fights on the one hand and are more than useful at finishing them as well. But we're sociable people so straight afterwards, we'll cook a meal for you and five thousand of your mates, shout a lot even though we are not arguing and drink you under the table for good measure.

Todays tunes are a couple of Parliament songs, always had a lot of time for George Clinton and his many guises. Taken from a gig in Amsterdam in 1978:

Mothership Connection

One Nation Under A Groove

Depending on which "news" source you've read over the past couple of days, the FA shortlist for the soon to be vacant England Manager role consists of ten people. Which means it's not so much a shortlist, more a shopping list. For certain, it is known that Alan Curbishley has had a cosy careers chat with Unky Brian. What is not known is who the other nine contenders are. Assuming that the usual names and culprits are on the list, then we can say that Big Sam, Mad Martin, Nice Peter, Go - Anywhere Guus and Psycho are all there. Which makes a total of six realistic interviewees. So there must be some pretty left field contenders out there. It's fair to say that The Hairdryer, The Setubal Smirk and Mr Arsenal are not candidates.

So who else is there? Well, for starters, Postman Pat has to be in with a shout. Very few men are able to come through a crisis like he is and still keep everyone happy. Let no-one say he hasn't got a good background; stable family life although we may have trouble luring him from the Royal Mail as he's a loyal company man if nothing else. Fireman Sam is another obvious choice as his current employers like his ability to sort out any problem without any misunderstandings would help when say, Rio forgets to go for a waz. Only problem is that he is Welsh so that could be a barrier to the England job. Candidate number nine ought to be the Fat Controller. Takes no crap from any of those engines, buses, cranes, trucks or traction engines which means he is very adept at dealing with different personalities. Also has Sodor Railways running on time which is no mean feat. But my personal favourite for the role has to be Captain Snort. Organises the troops at the Fort with consumate ease, takes care of all manner of public disorder, a Gentleman so is a throwback to Walter Winterbottom and Sir Alf - days when the Three Lions ruled the world - and if Mrs Honeyman feels safe around him, then that's a positive boon given the current incumbent.

The one thing I find strange about "Curbishley-gate" is that Charlton complained about the Sunday rags printing pictures of the meeting between their manager and the Chairman of the FA. Given that they had given permission for the Governing Body to talk to their manager, it is simple commonsense to know that the media will (a) find out about it and (b) report on it with substantiating evidence. That the report came out on a Sunday when the club have a Premiership match is an unhappy coincidence from their point of view. Surely they cannot believe that this is an attempt to destabilise their efforts to finish thirteenth? Or is Premiership football really that competitive now?

Todays Tunes are from probably the best band to come from Birkenhead, erstwhile Peel favourites Half Man Half Biscuit, taken from their debut album Back In The DHSS Again.

Trumpton Riots

All I Want For Christmas Is A Dukla Prague Away Kit

The Len Ganley Stance

Sealclubbing

Rafa Needs A Pacemaker

Arsenal 2 - 1 Liverpool

1 - 0 Henry (21)
1 - 1 Garcia (76)
2 - 1 Henry (83)

Another day at THOF begins with Gilberto informing Radio 5Live that he thinks that Henry is unsettled by the speculation about his future, Internazionale becoming the latest in the queue of suitors, although he believes the Frenchman will re-sign. Simply solution is for Titi to sign, or state his intention to leave. This is becoming more tiresome than the summers spent listening to Vieira dithering about whether he wanted to live in London or Madrid. Robert Pires also makes the point that Arsenal need him, or experienced players like him, to bring through the next generation of youngsters. Unfortunately for Robert, he and his more experienced colleagues have not set themselves up as shining beacons this season with the manner of the away defeats being particularly galling. Perhaps that is why Wenger did not discount signing Beckham if he were to come onto the market. Pires looks likely to leave as the club is refusing to offer a two year contract - Pires needs to reassess his worth; if a one year contract was good enough for Bergkamp for several years, it is good enough for Hopalong.

Opponents Liverpool are in similar bad shape, with rumour control seemingly intent on getting Fat Ronnie to Anfield alongside Peter Crouch and Michael Owen. Which I guess is Rafa Benitez's way of ingratiating himself to the Real Madrid hierarchy. It takes care of one interview question, "How do we know you care about Real?", "I took Ronaldo off of your hands....".

Still, onto to todays' game - dominated by Arsenal, overall possession stats were roughly 75% - 25% in The Gunners favour with Liverpool seemingly unable to string two passes together for most of the match. I cannot recall seeing a Liverpool team play so many wayward passes in one ninety minute session. That Liverpool could have salvaged a point by equalising inside the last fifteen minutes is barely creditable and a suitable admonishment of poor finishing by Arsenal and poor decision making by the Assistant Referees in both halves of the pitch. Henry missed half a dozen gilt edged chances, Adebayour did absolutely nothing all game whilst Liverpool's forward line of Crouch and Garcia spent more time giving away free - kicks than they did winning possession. Indeed at the moment they cannot even find the banjo to swing at the cow's arse let alone attempt to hit it. Pires replaced Ljungberg after the first fifteen minutes but did not sparkle until the second half, including hitting the post when it seemed easier to score. Well that's how it looked from my armchair where it seemed to take more time to come to him than Robert had on the pitch. Man of the match had to be Cesc Fabregas who made the multi-capped midfield of the visitors look positively journeyman, including splitting two defenders with a wonderful pass for Henry to run onto and curl the opening goal past Reina.

The match turned on it's head with fifteen minutes to go - Fabregas was fouled by Alonso before Gerrard hit a superb shot from thirty yards that Lehmann did well to get fists to although he probably wished he hadn't when Garcia outjumped Toure to head home the equaliser. Within two minutes Liverpool were down to ten men when Alonso, who had been booked moments before, slid needlessly into Flamini after the ball had gone. The inevitable Red Card followed and Alonso will no doubt have increased his ban by one game for refusing to leave the field. Five minutes later, Gerrard played the ball back to Reina without seeing Henry who made up for his misses by slotting home comfortably.

Wenger and his men will no doubt thank Benitez for the substitution of Hamann with Fowler. Having started warming up in the fiftieth minute, Fowler finally rolled onto the pitch on seventy minutes being the lucky winner of a twenty minute tactical talk from Rafa that left him looking totally bemused. Obviously the bit about not letting Gerrard have the ball facing his own net got lost in translation.

The upshot of it all is that Manure are now certain to finish second, whilst the Tiny Tots are firmly in Arsenal's sights in fourth and still to visit THOF.

Todays Tunes are from Phaze:

Ride

Indian Ropeman